Get a life, just make sure it’s your own


It’s strange really. I read a fair bit, I listen to the radio, mainly in the car, and it always seems to be women telling other women how to live.
We don’t get men telling men how to live quite so much. I suppose the twentieth century rather put a damper on that. Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori no longer has the power it once did.
So how would I tell women to live?

I’d tell them to beware of the critics. What we forget is people seek affirmation by looking round and seeing other people striving for the same things that they are striving for. Hence the person who has dedicated their whole life to getting to the top in business, or to staying thin, or to combining all this with running the ‘perfect’ home will feel little but dislike for another person who does none of these and yet has the audacity to be perfectly happy. That’s not a woman thing, it’s a normal human thing.
So basically ignore those who tell you that you are betraying ‘the sisterhood’ or whatever by not following in their footsteps. What they mean is that by managing to enjoy life, to be happy and content, without bothering to do all the things they do, just makes them feel undermined and their struggles seem worthless.
That’s their problem, not yours; leave them to worry about it.

Then there’s this whole money thing. Given a choice I wouldn’t borrow money. The more you owe, the less free you are. If you owe nothing and even have a few quid tucked away in the bank, if the boss is a bastard, then you can tell him that and tell him where to stuff his job. If he puts his hands where he shouldn’t you can cheerfully stamp on his instep with your heels.
The fact that our society is now utterly out of kilter because housing costs have been allowed to get out of control is sad but probably the place for another rant.

So let’s get another thing straight. Don’t go into life expecting ‘job satisfaction.’ I think the concept really came in when women entered the job market. Yes, in education and nursing and suchlike you can get job satisfaction. But most men will tell you that, actually, a job is just something you do, it brings in the money and funds real life. Few men have a desperate urge to work in call centres, dig ditches, deal with housing benefit claims, empty dustbins, or fill in potholes in the road. If you get ‘job satisfaction’ fine, that’s great, but don’t expect it to just happen as a right. Like everything else that’s worth having, it’s something that only really comes when you work for it.
What you can hope for is to work with a decent crowd, but that won’t happen by accident either. Someone has to put the effort in and set an example. Might as well be you as anyone else.


Curling up with a good book is something worth doing as well 😉

Swords for a Dead Lady


Available as ebook or paperback. If Amazon says it’s out of stock, ignore them. I’ve just had the audacity to have the books printed by somebody other than them. Order it and it will come.


4 thoughts on “Get a life, just make sure it’s your own

  1. M T McGuire November 25, 2018 at 8:50 am Reply

    ‘a job is just something you do, it brings in the money and funds real life.’ Totally, totally amen to that. Love it.

    Also, can I add that if life feels empty, more stuff will not help. It won’t fill the void in you, only you can do that with hobbies, interests, friends, family and all the richness of fully lived life.

    That said there’s a point where some money can make things a lot easier even if it doesn’t buy you happiness.

    Love this post.



    • jwebster2 November 25, 2018 at 10:58 am Reply

      What’s the comment, It’s more comfortable to cry in a Jag than on a push bike 🙂
      But yes, never mistake something else for real life

  2. joylennick November 25, 2018 at 10:16 am Reply

    A very good piece, Jim. I’m no Mother Theresa…but don’t look elsewhere for my happiness. Live and let live has always been my motto. Contentment is worth a lot and learning to live in the moment and appreciate everything. Human nature is fascinating with all its traits and foibles and each to their own…As for working, unless you have a particular bent, it’s a means to an end. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve enjoyed whatever I’ve done (except sending rejection letters and invoices…). Cheers.

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