Crime doesn’t pay, but at least you’re your own boss.

It’s a little known fact that the fall in the number of pirates has increased Global Warming. The statistics are there for the world to see; but ‘they’ didn’t want you to find out.

Indeed when you look at the graph it stops in 2000. That being said, you can see why we’ve got this sudden plateau in the rising temperatures which has lasted for much of the last ten years. It’s the effect of those gallant Somalis whose piratical activities have managed to help restore the global balance. This slight increase in piratical activity has obviously been just enough.




This came to mind because it’s just been announced that there’s been a fall in the amount of violent crime in the UK. That’s good but we have to ask why. There’s all sorts of answers, three of the more interesting ones I heard given on the radio were


  • The fact we’re generally nicer people than our ancestors
  • The fact we’re too poor to go binge drinking any more
  • The fact that there’s no lead in petrol


Who knows; but one very interesting comment made was that these figures came from A&E departments in hospitals, they weren’t from crime surveys. If this tells us anything, it is that nobody believes police or government crime statistics any more.

Given the way figures have been ‘manipulated’ by the last two governments it may be that the main growth area for crime is in deceiving the electorate. The problem is that we’ve grown too used to being lied to by politicians and civil servants.



So what are we going to do about it?
Well I decided that I couldn’t do a lot about politicians yet, but instead I’ll do my bit to help curb global warming. If you buy Justice 4.1 (The Tsarina Sector), that much acclaimed tale of law, order, major criminality and space piracy; you too can do your bit to help push up the amount of piracy and help keep temperatures under control. You know it makes sense; we cannot leave it all to the Somalis.


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12 thoughts on “Crime doesn’t pay, but at least you’re your own boss.

  1. The Story Reading Ape April 24, 2014 at 8:30 pm Reply

    LMAO 😀 😀 😀

    • jwebster2 April 24, 2014 at 8:42 pm Reply

      Save the world, buy the book 😉

  2. M T McGuire April 25, 2014 at 3:55 pm Reply

    That’s it. Confirmation that you have spent too long in the company of other Gumbees. That said, how glad am I to discover that I’ve already played a substantial part in saving the world by purchasing Justice 4.1. I particularly loved the graph. Mmm!



    • jwebster2 April 25, 2014 at 4:54 pm Reply

      You see the advantage, read other blogs and you’re exhorted to go out and save the world. Read this blog and you discover you all ready have!

      • M T McGuire April 25, 2014 at 5:09 pm

        Mwah hahahahrgh! Yeh! Can’t argue with that! 😉

  3. kimatsafkhet April 26, 2014 at 2:17 pm Reply

    Reblogged this on Safkhet Publishing and commented:
    what great logic to buy your book, Jim!

    • jwebster2 April 26, 2014 at 2:21 pm Reply

      Exactly, who else can make the claim “Buy this book and save the world”

      • kimatsafkhet April 26, 2014 at 2:22 pm

        Absolutely! Your logic is infallible!

  4. keirarts April 30, 2014 at 5:26 pm Reply

    Not only crime stats, the unemployment figures have been untrustworthy for a long, long time…

    Done my bit for the planet though though Jim, bought the ebook and the lovely (signed) edition.

    • jwebster2 May 1, 2014 at 8:02 am Reply

      The problem is that figures are collected by those with a vested interest in their interpretation. This is different to agriculture censuses where they make us send the figures in and so figures are collected by innumerates who are far too busy to waste time in the office on a fine day so of course are every bit as inaccurate as the other sort. I trust the signed paperback is already residing in its plastic sleeve 😉

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