Weight loss, the easy way.


Whilst I’m old enough to remember the great long hospital wards with no curtains, no privacy, just an endless line of beds, I don’t remember the world before the NHS. But I do remember some of the jokes and stories they used to tell of the early days.

One I remember was told by a friend of my father. It was about a chap who went to his doctor and asked for something to help him lose weight.

The doctor gave him some tablets and told him to take one a night before retiring.

Each night he dreamed that he was on a beautiful tropical island. As he explored he discovered that it was populated largely by beautiful and scantily clad tropical maidens and his resulting antics meant that in the course of a fortnight he lost three stones.

He mentioned this to a friend of his who also needed to lose a bit of weight, and so he went to the doctor who gave him some tablets.

In great anticipation the friend took his first tablet and went to bed. A beautiful island, but suddenly he’s spotted by fearsome cannibal warriors and he spends his nights desperately trying to elude them, all the while searching for the maidens he’s sure have to be there. After a fortnight he’d lost four stones.

Not entirely impressed by this, he returned to see the doctor. He was ushered into the august presence, produced the packet the tablets had been in and asked, “Why did my friend, Mr Jones, dream of beautiful maidens, whilst I got savage cannibals?”

The doctor glanced at the tablet, looked down his nose at him and said, “Your friend, Mr Jones, was a private patient. You are National Health.”

Thinking about it, I do wonder whether we’re expecting too much from the NHS. If it does the job, should we expect the beautiful maidens as standard, or are cannibals good enough?

I had my gallbladder out and wasn’t kept in overnight. That’s fine by me; I’ve got a perfectly good bed of my own. I’d rather the bed was used by somebody who needed it.

I think we’ve got to reassess things and decide what’s important. Not what tugs our heartstrings, or can whip up a storm on a TV documentary, but what’s important.


Get to know him and it’s obvious what he thinks is important

The fourth of these collections of anecdotes, rants, pious maunderings and general observations on life. Yes we have dogs, quads, sheep and cattle, but in this one we follow the ‘lambing year.’ It starts with ewes being put to the tup in late autumn and finishes in summer with the last of the laggards lambing.
But as well as this we have endless rain, as well as sleeping in a manger. Be brave and you’ll meet young ladies in high heeled cowboy boots, Sir John Moore of Corunna, brassieres for cows, and, incidentally, David Essex.


As a reviewer commented, “This book charts a year in the life of a Cumbrian sheep farmer. It’s sprinkled with anecdotes and memories of other years. Some parts (especially when featuring Sal, the Border Collie) were so funny as to cause me to have to read them out loud to my husband. It’s very interesting to read these things from the pen of the man who is actually out there doing it – usually in the rain! A very good read.”

Tagged: , , , ,

10 thoughts on “Weight loss, the easy way.

  1. The Story Reading Ape June 17, 2014 at 7:09 pm Reply

    They still haven’t found a cure for
    Nannystateitis (an affliction that seems to affect only governments in power)
    Itsmyrightitis (affecting the ‘Can’t see why I can’t have a bit of that’ inclined).
    Both seem to be viral at present Jim

    • jwebster2 June 17, 2014 at 9:20 pm Reply

      It does irritate that the people who insist on putting a tax on drink because it’ll stop us drinking too much have subsidised bars in the House of Commons

      • The Story Reading Ape June 17, 2014 at 9:24 pm

        And THEY are running the country while boozing it up 😦

      • jwebster2 June 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm

        Ought to print it on the bottle, ‘Don’t drive, use heavy machinery, or implement new government policies.”

  2. M T McGuire June 17, 2014 at 8:44 pm Reply

    Loved that story, it really made me laugh.



    • jwebster2 June 17, 2014 at 9:20 pm Reply

      It’s been a favorite of mine for many years 🙂

      • M T McGuire June 17, 2014 at 9:26 pm

        I’m not surprised, it’s class.

      • jwebster2 June 17, 2014 at 9:27 pm

        I remember someone telling my Dad it, I was a kid and just sitting listening to men talk 🙂

  3. keirarts June 25, 2014 at 4:49 pm Reply

    I’ve never had any problems with the nhs myself… Perfectly happy with the service.

    Glad we don’t have america’s system however as I don’t trust private insurance companies as far as I can throw them with stuff like home contents. Certainly don;t fancy putting my well being into their corrupt and grasping hands…

    • jwebster2 June 25, 2014 at 10:01 pm Reply

      I think our system is better than the US system. Our system runs the risk of all bureaucratic systems that the interests of the bureaucracy can become more important than the interests of those they are supposed to be dealing with (Think job centres etc). It’s something we’ve got to watch and be wary of. But as you say, I’m glad we’re not based on insurance companies.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: