Move along, nothing so see.

A few thoughts from writers. “A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it to be God.”

– Sidney Sheldon

“I have been successful probably because I have always realized that I knew nothing about writing and have merely tried to tell an interesting story entertainingly.”

– Edgar Rice Burroughs

“People on the outside think there’s something magical about writing, that you go up in the attic at midnight and cast the bones and come down in the morning with a story, but it isn’t like that. You sit in back of the typewriter and you work, and that’s all there is to it.”

– Harlan Ellison

I had thought of writing something literary, something really fancy. After all, I’m supposed to be a writer and I’m supposed to be selling books. So as I went to look sheep this morning I thought I’d mentally map out what I was going to say.

But checking on the fat lambs I heard bleating. Now this is from the far end of the field they’re at and that corner has a lot of rushes in because it’s a bit wet. And a wall of drizzle had started rolling in, and visibility was dropping and I was starting to get wet.

And then, in a tree in the hedge up above where the bleating was probably coming from I noticed two crows sitting.

Now crows sitting in a tree isn’t a problem. If they’re sitting in a tree, then they’re still waiting. So I made my way across the field towards the bleating and eventually, as I picked my way through the rushes, I saw the lamb. Not a big one, perhaps 25kg, with his head caught in the netting.

Getting a lamb out of netting need not be rocket science. Their sole method of extracting themselves is to push forward. This never works. Occasionally a big lamb can break off fence posts holding the netting in place, but it’s a limited sort of victory.

You grasp the lamb firmly and pull it backwards. This is something the lamb never seems to consider but it works every time. You then release the lamb and it runs off to join its mates.

And the crows fly off; annoyed because you got to it before it weakened so they couldn’t take its eyes.

And as I walked back across the field it suddenly struck me. Who was the lamb bleating to, it had been weaned for months, mother was long gone, its mates are as ineffectual at dealing with fences as it is, and anyway they were ignoring it. But it bleated. If it hadn’t I’d probably never have noticed it.

And at this point, walking back, I gave up on doing anything literary. After all I’m a stockman. I suppose I write a bit but before everything else, I’m a stockman.

When my first book was published, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swords-Dead-Lady-Jim-Webster-ebook/dp/B006C4C8OO a friend of mine who bought it commented that nobody but me would have written it.

The mentioned one section, which I thought I’d quote at this point.

“An hour later Yallou returned with a short stout man with ears that stuck out like jug handles and the reddest nose Benor had ever seen.

“Meet Tilosh, livestock dealer.”

Tilosh added, “- and I am a livestock dealer, not an out-of-work bandit trying to make an honest living.”

“What’s more he can probably get Benor inside the caravanserai.”

“That I can, provided he can dress less like a plump pimp at a society wedding.” He studied Benor, tilting his head to one side.

“Ever worked livestock?”

“I worked half a season as a drover west of Tarsteps as a way of working my passage.”

Tilosh nodded a third time. “What sort of orids will we be buying now?”

“The tail end of last year’s lambs that have been over wintered because they wouldn’t finish off grass last autumn;”

”What’ll they be like.”

“Big, wooden, too tall, and lean, but there’s damn all else on the market and if you can get them away for killing before the new crop of lambs are through, then you’ll make good money.”

At this point Tilosh smiled. “Tomorrow you and I will drop round to that caravanserai. If they’ve nothing to sell, they might be wanting to buy, and either way whilst they’re wasting my time, you can get a look round. But change your clothes first.”

Yep, I’m a stockman

(Oh and ‘Swords for a Dead Lady’ is only £2.99 from Amazon and is available from all reputable ebook dealers, and some of the better disreputable ones)

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24 thoughts on “Move along, nothing so see.

  1. The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 12:42 pm Reply

    Great intro to a book promo Jim 😀

    • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 1:19 pm Reply

      Simple farm boy, that’s me

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 1:22 pm

        There’s a lot of thinking goes on behind that straw chewing Jim 😀 😀 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 1:27 pm

        I think at one point I managed to convince a government inspector that I was illiterate 😉

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 1:35 pm

        Well HE wouldn’t have been any better Jim – if there’s no box on the paper to tick and nowhere for him to stamp his pre-made signature – he’d be flummoxed (did I get that word right?) 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 2:04 pm

        Yes, you’re spot on with flummoxed 🙂

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 2:32 pm

        PHEW – that’s a relief – thought I’d sworn instead 😀 😀 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 2:57 pm

        There are words that dwell in a happy borderland. I once caused a stir in class when at the age of 16 I told a school teacher that my chair was knackered. They all assumed it was a word derived from ‘testicles or knackers’ but actually it goes back even further to the knackers yard, where broken down horses etc were taken for ‘recycling’.

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 4:29 pm

        LOLOLOLOL 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm

        Wonderful Language, English.
        One day I’ll learn to speak it properly 🙂

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 4:47 pm

        Likewise, but meanwhile I’m happy to muddle along and throw the occasional foreign or made up word in to create interest 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 4:53 pm

        coining one’s own neologisms, and all willy-nilly

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 4:54 pm

        Or even – nilly-w…. hang on – THAT might be a naughty 😀

      • jwebster2 November 10, 2014 at 6:04 pm

        We can but hope….

      • The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 7:09 pm

        😀 😀 😀

  2. The Story Reading Ape November 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm Reply

    Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog….. An Author Promotions Enterprise! and commented:
    AUTHORS – Now HERE is a great way to introduce a Book Promo 😀

  3. M T McGuire November 10, 2014 at 4:53 pm Reply

    I don’t recall you having sticking out ears and a bright red nose Jim. Phnark.

  4. theowllady November 11, 2014 at 12:21 am Reply

    Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.

  5. danniehill November 11, 2014 at 4:16 pm Reply

    It is amazing some of the words that flow from a simple farm boy. I was one myself. Great post

    • jwebster2 November 11, 2014 at 4:32 pm Reply

      Thanks for that kind sir

  6. Will Once November 12, 2014 at 10:04 am Reply

    Excellent! Enjoyed that very much. Funnily enough, I thought your story about the crows was stronger than your book extract – mainly because it came over as more authentic.No-one can be taught authenticity.

    • jwebster2 November 12, 2014 at 11:08 am Reply

      It’s strange how these things work. The comment, if you change ‘orid’ for ‘sheep’ is absolutely accurate, and I’ve even met Tilosh the dealer 🙂
      (He’s a composite of several people)

      But it does lack the casual harsh reality of reality

  7. Will Once November 12, 2014 at 10:04 am Reply

    Reblogged this on Will Once.

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