Running in high heels


Not something I’ve ever tried to be honest. I’m tall enough as it is and my legs, decently clad in working trousers, are too utilitarian to warrant being exhibited to a dumbfounded world.

And at the moment it’s not the weather for high heels. As I sit on the quad in the rain, watching the sheep fish about for the nuts I’ve put down for them, I can hear Sal splashing towards me. When a small Border Collie bitch splashes when walking across what is supposed to be dry ground, you know it’s wet enough.

This morning the rain was coming across in great curtains. I had to slow down when driving into it because it was painful on my face if I went at any speed. Not only that but I think even Sal is losing it. She came up to jump a netting fence, totally mistimed everything jumping into the rain (or she may have slipped as she jumped) and ended up piling into the fence rather than sailing over it. She glanced at me in an embarrassed fashion to check that I hadn’t seen it and then quietly jumped over it properly.

But I was on about high heels wasn’t I. It’ll be about forty years ago now. It would be winter and after midnight when we were awakened by a hammering on the front door. We never use the front door to be honest, but sometimes people knock on it. Just rarely at midnight.

So my parents (whose room was above it) shouted out of the window to ask what was the problem, and I got dressed and went down to open the door. There was a barefoot young lady standing there. When my mother arrived we got her full story. Just down the lane from us was a lay-by where courting couples used to park up. She had been at a dance in Ulverston and had accepted a lift back to Barrow from somebody who had been ‘more affectionate than she had intended.’

So when he stopped at the lay-by she’d seen the lights of our cubicle house. In winter when cows are housed we leave some lights on. It’s easier for cows to get up for a drink or something to eat; and if they can see, they’re less easily startled by anything. So they’re happier.
This lass had seen the lights, opened the passenger door and had run for it. In the course of which she’d abandoned her high heels. By the time she’d worked out the lights came from outbuildings, she could see where the front door was so had hammered on that.

She was seriously nervous, so I went out to both make sure there was nobody still parked in the lay-by and to find her shoes. Whoever she’d had the lift with was gone, and I even found both her shoes. When I wandered back in she was on the phone for a taxi.

Strangely enough she’d decided that she’d get a taxi home rather than phoning for her Dad to collect her. I think she felt the taxi driver would need fewer embarrassing explanations.


You might want to read about a lady who didn’t have this sort of problem?
Her memoirs are now in paperback and ebook


As a reviewer commented, “Maljie is indeed a Lady Par Excellence. From mountain climber to pirate, currency inventor to financial genius, balloonist to Temple Warden, and more – much, much, more…

The female reader will want her as a best friend, the male reader would be wise to exercise extreme caution if he knows another lady like her.”

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26 thoughts on “Running in high heels

  1. Auntysocial February 10, 2018 at 2:22 pm Reply

    This post took me right back to when I grew up on a particularly rough council estate in the early 80’s and on my life every Saturday morning without fail there would be one stiletto scattered in the middle of the road.

    Swear that’s entirely true and to this day I still can’t weigh up how the same woman (assuming it was the same woman) ended up with one shoe on the other strewn somewhere along the road on the way home from the pub.

    More to the point I can’t weigh up how she could afford to go through so many sodding shoes given how poor we all were back then but our dog at the time (council-house collie rescued from a scrapyard) sometimes got out early and would trot back with said shoe hanging from her mouth like she’d won it at the local fair.

    • jwebster2 February 10, 2018 at 2:46 pm Reply

      I can well believe you, even now. In Barrow the Street Angels hand out pairs of cheap flipflops to young ladies for whom walking in heels is no longer even an aspiration 🙂

      • Auntysocial February 10, 2018 at 2:52 pm

        Well I just added a few of your books to my Amazon shopping basket. We share the surname, area and love for dogs and “Sometimes I sits and thinks” sold it straight away.

        Love it but hate it when folk direct me to books cos I can’t scroll on and not order at least one sodding book. Like that lady couldn’t manage a Friday night and get home with both shoes still in tow I can’t ignore books 🙂

      • Auntysocial February 10, 2018 at 2:54 pm

        “And sometimes I just sits?” also found its way. I’m leaving now the postie already asked what the hell I do to warrant so many brown Amazon packages per week.

      • jwebster2 February 10, 2018 at 3:00 pm

        the advantage of ebooks is that the postie never gets to discover your secret vices 😉

      • jwebster2 February 10, 2018 at 3:00 pm

        I think the books will be easier to explain away than a collection of single shoes 😉

  2. M T McGuire February 10, 2018 at 2:51 pm Reply

    That’s a wonderful story, although I can imagine it can’t have been much fun for the poor woman who legged it. Glad she escaped both her groping paramour and questions from her dad!



    • jwebster2 February 10, 2018 at 2:59 pm Reply

      She was a bit shook up when she landed, but avoided being hysterical, and by the time she was phoning the taxi it was ‘clear headed young woman’ who was in charge 🙂
      She’s probably a grandmother by now, wonder what she says to her granddaughters about how they behave when they go out on a night 🙂

      • M T McGuire February 10, 2018 at 6:38 pm

        She’s probably very stern because she remembers what she got up to!

      • jwebster2 February 10, 2018 at 9:29 pm


  3. kirizar February 11, 2018 at 4:47 pm Reply

    I take you were too young in this adventure to be her knight-errant? In a romance, she would have fallen into your arms, shivering with cold and no little excitement, at your muscular embrace. (Cough, cough, okay I may have read one too many Harlequin romance in my youth.) But, I suspect that, even had you been age appropriate, the arrival of your mom in her night robe would have put a damper on your budding love. How sad the story ended without at least a kiss of thanks for returning her shoes.

    • jwebster2 February 11, 2018 at 4:49 pm Reply

      Looking back I think she’d dropped very rapidly into what is probably her default state of sensible Northern working class girl. Given that it probably is her default state I suspect she’ll have managed to steer her way through life pretty well all things considered 🙂

  4. rugby843 February 11, 2018 at 10:06 pm Reply

    Sorry about the torrential rain, and Sals unfortunate jump, but the story is great!☺️

    • jwebster2 February 12, 2018 at 7:18 am Reply

      when you’re a Border Collie and supposed to be all competent, you can imagine her chagrin 🙂

      • rugby843 February 12, 2018 at 7:25 am

        I’ve only met one, kept caged all day while owners at work. They invited us for dinner. The poor dog was wild, relentlessly retrieving a ball till she was caged again. It was heartbreaking.

      • jwebster2 February 12, 2018 at 7:30 am

        they have to be active, they’re not a good town dog unless their owner is a person who walks a lot and takes them with them

      • rugby843 February 12, 2018 at 7:32 am

        I always wanted one but we lived in the suburbs and worked during the day, so we knew better. This poor dog was tortured.

      • jwebster2 February 12, 2018 at 1:24 pm

        Yes, even when she’s not working, Sal is on a long lead fastened to the cattle trailer that is her summer kennel. From there she is queen of all she surveys and nobody can come or go without her knowing about it 🙂

  5. Stevie Turner February 19, 2018 at 5:28 pm Reply

    This brings to mind something my friend told me who used to live near to the church. One night in the bitter wind and driving snow there was a knock on her door. Her neighbour was standing there in her birthday suit and not really saying anything. My friend assumed she was sleepwalking and told her to go back to bed!

  6. patriciaruthsusan February 23, 2018 at 1:07 pm Reply

    I haven’t heard of anyone losing a high heel on a date but it was all over the small village my parents and I lived near when one young woman on a hayride used her heel as a weapon when a young man got too frisky. All were on the girl’s side as the man wasn’t well liked. 😀 — Suzanne

    • jwebster2 February 23, 2018 at 1:16 pm Reply

      I remember my grandmother commenting favorably on her oldest granddaughter’s set of rings (cheap costume jewellry really. ) The old lady regarded them as a nice set of knuckledusters for keeping a young man well behaved 🙂

  7. patriciaruthsusan February 23, 2018 at 1:10 pm Reply

    Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    An entertaining story from Jim Webster.

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