Young ladies of uncertain temperament.


When you work your way down the list of jobs you have to do on a busy dairy farm, you’ll notice that one that somehow has to get fitted in is ‘looking dairy heifers.’ As soon as there is grass and the heifers are old enough, I always tried to get them outside onto it. I could still give them some supplementary feed but I always felt they did so much better outside, and also were far less work. Checking to see how they are is a job that I have always enjoyed, if only because it gave you an excuse to go for a walk with the dog in the countryside.

Also, I always felt that it was an important job. The dairy heifers are going to grow up to be the ladies who make up your milking herd. So it’s important that they know you and are comfortable with you wandering about. In their eyes, you ought to be ‘the nice guy.’ So appearing every morning with some supplementary feed is probably a good start down this road.

Given that dairy heifers are almost inevitably bucket reared as calves, they start off thinking that people are potentially a ‘good thing.’ You bring them their meals, how can they not approve of you?

Obviously, from their point of view, you blot your copybook by being the one who gives them any vaccinations, worms them and suchlike. But ideally we can keep it constructive by being the one who also appears with feed.

The idea is that by the time they join the dairy herd, they regard you in a positive manner and are pretty relaxed about it all when they go through the milking parlour for the first time. So I never felt time spent with them was wasted. Yes there were times I was really needed elsewhere but still.

As they grow older heifers will go through stages. When very young they can sometimes just run for the sheer joy of running. We once turned some young heifers out onto grass for the first time and one of them just ran across the field, turned round and hurtled back at speed. At some point it her mad career she realised she has heading for a very tall hedge. This did not deter her. In fact she accelerated and then leapt.

Between ourselves I feel she was more than a little optimistic. The hedge at this point was a core of sycamore but heavily infested with brambles. So I want you to visualise her hurtling herself at a nine foot high mat of brambles. Now she’s wearing a good leather jacket, brambles aren’t too much of a problem per se. It’s just the height. Having watched them moving I have no doubt a deer could have taken it. But for a small heifer who doesn’t stand waist height I feel it was a step to far. Still she tried. She hit the hedge about six feet up.

Biology had done its part, physics now took over. We are in the world of conservation of momentum. Her momentum was transferred, as you would expect, to the hedge. Now the bottom of the hedge is pretty solidly grounded. It isn’t going to move. But the top stands proud and free and under her impact the hedge (or vertical mat of brambles) swayed. It went over so far that at one point I thought it was going to tip her off into the next field before it swayed back. It teetered, but didn’t quite. Then it swayed back and dumped the heifer somewhat unceremoniously on the ground, back in the field she started from. She stood up, shook herself a bit, looked round to see if anybody was laughing at her, and wandered off at a more sedate speed to see if this green stuff she was surrounded by was worth a nibble.

As they grow older they become a little more sedate. But just as you’ll find small children go through a stage where they love being ‘scared’ and run about screaming excitedly, dairy heifers can also pass through this stage.

When I feed one batch, they’ll often cluster around Sal rather than following me with the bucket. To a certain extent, this is Sal’s fault. She is in the habit of wandering through the calf pens to see if there’s anything worth eating. So many a young calf’s first exposure to creatures other than Mum, is Sal wandering through to see if there’s any afterbirth lying about. As they get older she quite likes the flavour of the feed they get and she’ll often help herself to stuff they’ve dropped. So they’re used to seeing her and she’s used to being sniffed by them.

So I’ll walk into the field, the heifers will ignore me and cluster round Sal, and I’ll stand there with their feed wondering at what point they’ll notice me. So I whistle Sal who trots out from in the middle of the group. And at this point the heifers will all be excitedly scared, run away in different directions, sometimes bucking and kicking until they remember that I’ve got the bucket. Then, worried that one of the others will get there first and snaffle the lot, they all run towards me, sometimes close to treading Sal underfoot in their haste to be first.

There again, every so often Sal will intervene. This morning I was putting the feed out for them and one ignored it and walked across to sniff Sal. Sal turned and cut across it and made as if to snap her teeth at it. The heifer then jumped four feet sideways in mock alarm but before it could do anything even more exciting realised its nose was six inches from the feed I’d just put down. It immediately set lesser matters from mind and started eating.

I left them to it, but as I left I held the empty bucket in front of me. That was to ensure that they couldn’t see it. Because with heifers, if they cannot see it, it isn’t there. If you walk away holding the bucket so that they can see it, every so often one has the bright idea that there could be more feed left in the bucket. So that one will chase after you to get the extra feed it assumes you’re hiding. If you’re unlucky at this point the others, up until then happily eating, will set off after their colleague, assuming it knows something they don’t. So it’s easier just to make sure they cannot see the bucket.

I don’t know about you but I’ve met people like that as well.


There again you could discuss it with Sal

Another collection of anecdotes drawn from a lifetime’s experience of peasant agriculture in the North of England. As usual Border Collies, Cattle and Sheep get fair coverage, but it’s mixed with family history and the joys of living along a single track road.


As a reviewer commented, “Excellent follow up to his first collection of bloggage – Sometimes I Sits and Thinks – this is another collection of gentle reflections on life on a small sheep farm in Cumbria. This could so easily be a rant about inconsiderate drivers on country lanes and an incessant moaning about the financial uncertainties of life on a farm. Instead, despite the rain, this is full of wise asides on modern living that will leave you feeling better about the world. Think Zen and the Art of Sheep Management (except he’s clearly CofE…) Highly recommended, and worth several times the asking price!”

Tagged: , , , ,

20 thoughts on “Young ladies of uncertain temperament.

  1. rootsandroutes2012 July 23, 2020 at 4:56 am Reply


  2. rootsandroutes2012 July 23, 2020 at 5:12 am Reply

    Hi Sania, I can’t ever remember getting a like for less work! The truth is that I’m a bit of a technophobe, and I haven’t been able to find a way of following a thread without making a comment. Trouble is – though I’ve got many memories of bucket-feeding cattle too, there’s nothing much I want to say this time. I hope you (and Jim’s other followers) will be OK with me posting the occasional full stop rather than coming out with something meaningless 🙂

    • jwebster2 July 23, 2020 at 5:56 am Reply

      I think we were all overwhelmed with the profundity of the full stop. I suspect people nodded wisely and decided that you had summed up the entire human condition in that one simple statement 😉

  3. jenanita01 July 23, 2020 at 9:12 am Reply

    Hilarious post, Jim…

  4. Jane Sturgeon July 23, 2020 at 9:22 am Reply

    Loved this post, Jim…thank you. It sparked happy memories. ❤

    • jwebster2 July 23, 2020 at 11:24 am Reply

      Yes, heifers can be good to work with 🙂

      • Jane Sturgeon July 23, 2020 at 11:47 am

        I remember their joyful leaping and dancing. 🙂

      • jwebster2 July 23, 2020 at 7:24 pm

        They know how to frolic 🙂

  5. Margaret Mair July 23, 2020 at 5:41 pm Reply

    I enjoyed your heifer tale and it reminded me of a tale of my own. I’m no farmer and haven’t spent time around heifers, but I did see a cow try to jump a dry stone wall. When I was 10, probably to keep me out of trouble, my parents arranged for me to have a horse; the conditions were that Dandy was kept out in the country, close to the cottage where we spent our holidays, and I looked after him when we were there. When we were not there a local small farmer who had his own horses and a cow or two looked after him (he was well paid for this, and my parents paid all the additional expenses; my grandfather was a countryman from a farming family, so there was a good understanding of what was involved).

    One day the farmer and I rode out to his pasture to check on his three horses. They were excited to see him coming, and galloped over from a far corner of the pasture to wheel and stop in front of us. Their excitement infected one of the cows. She also galloped over, but rather than stop (perhaps she found that a little difficult) she carried on. The dry stone wall between that pasture and another was in her path – again she did not stop. Instead she tried to jump over it. Perhaps the grass looked greener?

    Needless to say, this did not go well. The wall was broad, and she landed with her chest on the wall, her front legs hanging down one side, and udder and back legs on the other. Out in the country there are always more people around than you think; another farmer from across the road arrived very quickly. It took a while, a ladder, much heaving and perhaps a little swearing for the two of them to ease the complaining cow off the wall and back into the pasture, watched by the fascinated child I was. All my offers of help were refused…

    I’ve never forgotten that sight.

    • jwebster2 July 23, 2020 at 7:24 pm Reply

      I can well imagine the scene. Cows have this inbuilt belief that if the head will go through, the rest of the body will follow.
      To be fair, when you’re their weight it’s not a bad theory 🙂

      • Margaret Mair July 23, 2020 at 7:28 pm

        Probably works better with hedges, though! 😊

      • jwebster2 July 23, 2020 at 7:39 pm

        That is indeed true 🙂

  6. Doug Jacquier July 23, 2020 at 5:59 pm Reply

    ‘I don’t know about you but I’ve met people like that as well.’ Have I heifer!

  7. Widdershins July 23, 2020 at 9:08 pm Reply

    Hee, hee, hee … what wonderful stories. 😀

    • jwebster2 July 24, 2020 at 4:31 am Reply

      glad you’re enjoying them 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: